


The Great Egbert Debate

by hpd_lance



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Multi, dont read this shit, end this fic its not even any good, its pure plotless crack, literally no plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-10
Updated: 2016-06-10
Packaged: 2018-07-14 04:01:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7152605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hpd_lance/pseuds/hpd_lance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Don't let the title fool you, there is no real debate here. Everyone knows John Egbert is actually, 100%, totally, indeniably adorable.</p>
<p>(dont read this its dumb)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Great Egbert Debate

A typical day for Dave, Karkat, and Dirk is spent discussing totally cool and amazing topics, such as Tony Hawk and Ben Stiller. Today is no different. Probably.

"So... Dave," Dirk says, and Dave raises an eyebrow, "Yeah?" Dirk keeps a straight face as he says, "Your friend John."

"What about 'im?" Dave asks, pursing his lips. Dirk shrugs, "He's kinda cute."

Dave nods, Karkat nods, "Yeah, to be honest," They say in unison. Dave blinks and turns to Karkat, as Karkat blinks and turns to Dave.

"Damn right," Dirk says, "Damn right that guy's cute as fuck."

"Damn true," Dave says, nodding. Karkat makes a sort of "pffff" sound, but nods along anyway.

Dirk nods. He's not sure where to take the conversation now.

"Hey guys!" Saved by the bell. Dirk has never been so glad to hear Roxy's voice, "What's the haps over here? What is the current conversatory topic. Lemme in on this juicy gossip or whatever."

"We were talking about John." Dirk shrugs, "Like, how he's a pretty adorable motherfucker if I ever saw one."

Roxy grins, "Oh my god, I _know_ right? I just wanna pinch his li'l cheeks, you know?" She says, reaching up to squish Dirk's cheeks.

Dave has never been more relieved to see Jake English take a seat next to his bro/biological dad. "Hello, everyone! What sort of things are we discussing today?"

Roxy pipes up, "John. He's so adorable, the cutiepie. Jake, don't you think John is totes adorbs?"

Jake considers the question for a minute, then shrugs, "Yeah, yeah I guess so. He is rather spiffing." Jake nods, then pauses in his nodding after a moment, "Wait, fuck, he's biologically my _son_!" Jake's face is a mix of horrified and disgusted. It's funny.

"Hey, dweebs." Karkat never would have thought that hearing Vriska speak would make him so happy, "Terezi and I came to see why you were all gathered over here. I thought it seemed suspicious."

"And I told her she was stupid."

"Well," Roxy says, "We were talking about John and how cute he is."

Terezi scoffs, "Cute? Ugh," She says, then pauses a second, "Okay, maybe a little bit."

Vriska just nods, "He is pretty adorable, but he's also a lame nerd." She shrugs.

Dirk snorts, "So wait, everyone here thinks John is totally fuckin adorable?"

Shrugs, nods, and a chorus of murmured "yeah, kind of"s are Dirk's answers. 

"Wow." Dirk blinks, pursing his lips. "Wow."

"Wow what?" A cheerful and all-too familiar voice says from behind Dirk.

There's a moment of silence, before everyone erupts into a fit of laughter. Some of them leave, still cackling (Terezi and Vriska), Roxy leaves, wiping a tear from her eye. Jake claps Dirk on the shoulder, and offers John a fist bump as he walks off, barely containing his laughter.

"What's so funny?" John asks, frowning, "Did I do something dumb?"

"Nah, man," Dave replies, trying to keep from laughing and obviously failing, "Nothing bad."

"Oh. Well what was it?"

Karkat's eyes widen, and he stands, "I just remembered, I have uh... toast, still in the toaster! Better go get it out. Come on, Dave." Dave waves goodbye to John and mouths, "good luck bro" at Dirk.

John turns his expectant gaze on Dirk, who stands up, looks John in the eye for a second, and literally backflips away.

John has no clue what the fuck just happened, and he is sort of afraid to ask.


End file.
